Grief is strange. It doesn’t follow logic, it doesn’t keep a schedule, and it definitely doesn’t care about your plans. One moment you might feel surprisingly okay, and the next you’re tearing up in the grocery store aisle because you spotted their favorite cereal. There’s no neat roadmap through grief—just a series of emotional potholes and unexpected detours. And yes, sometimes snacks help.
As a therapist, I often tell people: grief is not a problem to be solved—it’s an experience to be lived through. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. And while it’s often heavy, it doesn’t have to be humorless. In fact, laughter can be one of the most healing companions on the grief journey.
There’s a myth that grieving “properly” means being serious and somber all the time. But many people find themselves laughing through tears—at a memory, a ridiculous moment, or something their loved one would’ve found hilarious. That laughter isn’t a betrayal. It’s a form of connection. Humor reminds us that love didn’t end; it just changed forms.
It’s also okay if you’re grieving in unconventional ways. Maybe you talk to their photo. Maybe you bake their favorite cookies but eat all the dough before it hits the oven. Maybe you find yourself deep in conversation with the dog about the meaning of life. These things might seem a little odd—but grief is odd. Give yourself permission to be a little weird right now.
And while we’re on the subject, try to be patient with the people around you. Some will say all the wrong things. (“Everything happens for a reason” is a personal favorite for triggering the urge to throw a pillow.) Most mean well. But it’s also okay to set boundaries and gravitate toward the people who just sit with you, without trying to fix anything.
Grief doesn’t ask us to move on. It asks us to move forward—slowly, unevenly, and on our own terms. Some days you’ll feel like you’ve got a handle on things. Other days you might find yourself crying in the car or eating cold pizza on the floor. Both are completely valid grief responses. There is no checklist. No gold star for “doing it right.”
So please, be kind to yourself. Let your grief be whatever it is today. Find your own rhythm. Let joy in when it shows up, even if it catches you off guard. And above all, remember: you don’t have to grieve in silence—or in dress pants. Sweatpants and sarcasm are absolutely acceptable forms of coping.
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